yes Happy Birthday to me. I am now 26 years old. Yes on the later side of 20s. My mom said last night “Oh you are 26 … Sochna parayga ab to”. I was like no way … no sochna wochna 
… relax … lol…. No special plans as such for today. lets see where the evening takes me 
…
PS: you guys can wish me if any of you stumble on to this post 
Finally the vacations end. The dream is over . Back to reality. It was so annoying today to wake up early in the morning in the cold weather. I am still yawning. I am kinda getting bored of my job actually. I think its about time I should start looking for a new place to work at. My colleague is also a really annoying person. It is really hard to work with her. One of the most dumb people I have ever met in my life really. She hardly listens to anyone, thinks she is always right, thinks others know nothing. That kinda attitude won’t take her anywhere but for now i am the one being annoyed. Now she is trying to talk about the karachi trip asking wierd questions as if i am friends with her. Its hard for her to pick social clues. I pray that God forgives me for my sins and gets me done with this punishment lol. AMEEN
ok New year has arrived. 2009 … hmm was it a good year for me ? i’d have to say No. Things were just not going my way. Ofcourse i am Thankful to God for all the blessings but in comparison to other years of my life …2009 was definitely among one of the most crappiest years of my life specially the way it ended. Just on the last day of the year i lost something i really cherished. i have lost bella and i can’t do anything about it. I have been really sensible about it but this makes me sick. why the hell do i have to be rational all the time? Its a habbit i hate the most right now. Just wanna do all the things not the right way sometimes. I dont know what to say really. Happy new year to all of you though.
i have forgotten the fact that i ever wrote poems. I am in one of my longest droughts. I don’t know why. I cannot find a reason. There is a cloud of thoughts in my head yet I am unable to bring any of it out. Talk about being helpless. Its a strange skill…writing that is… You can never use that skill at will. I am on vacations and apparently everything is smooth and normal and panic free but i am lost at certain ends right now. I can’t read Bella’s thoughts and i hate this immunity. i do feel like i am losing my powers. its like kryptonite to me. Its like a curse to be able to see beyond one’s apparent outlook and then its annoying when u can’t do that with someone. Conflict has altogether a new meaning.I have these phases when everything seems such a waste and that i really don’t know what or why am i doing anything. Its painful and sadly i have no idea how to vent it. All the suggested mediums are useless. I am not a conventional human being and yet i try to fit in. I mean its hard for me to accept it. i try to prove myself wrong in so many ways everyday. Its like defying my own nature. Its an ever going struggle and i don’t see how or when will it end.Like in general i am struggling to get along with people. they don’t know it of course coz i am good at hiding my real thoughts. They think i am such a good company, talkative too but lol its all like peels of onion my personality. The mind is never at rest. I actually know in my sleep that i am sleeping. I know it when i am dreaming that i am dreaming and it sometimes is creepy when i think about it lol.
I only like a few ppl who i feel the warmth from them is genuine. you know it with ppl you can just sit and even if you are quiet u know that you are enjoying the company. its like having a conversation without talking. Very few of them are there that i truly feel that. NADS gone back Dubai so i am missing him really. i Miss the long walks with him. i think now that he is gone i actually realize how important he was in my life. I can’t just drop by any time at his house now. we could actually have conversations for hours and won’t feel the time go by. mostly they were repetive but yet we enjoyed it. Then there is R, Kans,MD, GOGLES,(all fake names of course of real ppl ) that i can have good conversations with…without having to boggle my mind. They are all warm and genuine towards me. Bella is the one that i am having a hard time understanding. There are a lot of gaps in our conversations. its a mystery and not in a good intriguing way. I have talked about the lack of that and all i get is hmms ahan ok etc. I don’t know. I hate to say the words but yes “I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING”..
PS: i don’t mean any offence to anyone but please don’t suggest me ways to deal with it coz i have tried them all lol …. yeah i know i am being a bit rude here but if you love me guys… then don’t suggest …. i Do love you all and i mean it.
PS2: i know its a confusing post lolz
Yes Vacations begin ….. so has the wedding season. First day of my vacations and i had to attend a baraat going to jhung. My school Friend was getting married so i had to go no matter what. It was a love marriage and involved and affair of 7 years and lots of phadday lol….but all is well that ends well…or so i thought …. the time of the departure of baraat was 1 and at 4 in the evening we were still in Lahore. Hail all Pakistan marriages. It takes about 3 and a half hours to reach jhung from Lahore. Long story short we came back at 4:30 in the morning. I reached my home at 6 30 and slept. Woke up at 12 went to the walima site at 3 and with two other friends got the catering and the tent setup in place. Its a pain in the neck to work with these guys. they have their own aesthetic sense and hence have very ‘INTELLIGENT” suggestion about colour combinitions and considering maroon and sharp red as one and the same. Anyways got done with walima at around 12. It was overall a lot of fun along with the hectic schedule. I really enjoyed it. hope my friend has a good married life ahead. BUT ..BUT … but… i am not yet done with attending weddings . i have a baraat that i need to attend tonight then another walima ceremony of another school friend. The first week will probably be busy in these functions. my mom was sick …a case of dehyderation actually. She is feeling much better now. Its getting cold and cloudy in Lahore these days but i like it. It is sort of gloomy yet kinda interesting. My father is doing all the cooking these days since mom is sick. As much as i appreciate his sentiment, i never ever eat what he cooks lol coz only he can eat that. I might visit karachi by the start of next month but thats just a plan in the pipe line for now. Lets see how things shape up. By the way does anyone read this blog or you guys just get bored by the lack of frequent posting. hit back …
I’m caught in the midst of your caution You breathe and I exhale If there’s one thing I would clarify One little thing I would justify. In all the unsaid words .. i feel you!a
woke up at 6:30 with a cracking thunderbolt. yes it rained here. First rain of the winters. A brisk breeze is blowing across. i am loving it. Watched a couple of good romantic comedies. In a good mood 
…
Confusion. Butterflies in the stomach. the Mist is around. Most vulnerable state right now. Trying to communicate. Trying to find a way through the fog. like someone said
“on the path that parts walks the hearth of heart.. the world on fire, burns the sight blind. in each day, in every night.. in this light, walks this soul to break away, to walk a walk that loses its way. ”
Gotta live through it i guess like always.
sigh*
